Thin Air
by everythingxyouxwant
Summary: One year after the disappearance and apparent murder of Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia continues to struggle and accept that he is really gone. One by one the people around her have accepted the loss, but she will never stop looking for him. Set Mid Season 7. Goes AU from there.
1. Prologue

**A/N: **_Something a little different. I've had this written for a little while now, and while I'm working on the next chapter of Reverie I figured I would post this in the meantime. Enjoy!_

**Prologue**

The sky was darkened over the city of Quantico as it rained mercilessly for that entire dismal week. There had been no new cases and it had given the tired men and women of the BAU a well-deserved chance to rest and spend some time with their loved ones. By the time they all gotten a call from JJ telling them they had caught a case, they had all suddenly realized a few long days had passed and no one had heard from him. When the realization hit them they frantically tried to get a hold of the profiler.

Every call they made ended up going to his voice mail. Every time one of them showed up on his stoop to ring his doorbell they were met with a closed door and silence from within. It concerned them all, but they could only assume that he was facing some inner turmoil and had decided to take a small vacation on his own. One of them had suggested: _perhaps to his mother's in Chicago_? But the youngest was skeptical of this theory. He had _never _gone this long without telling the rest of the team where he'd be. Even in his darkest nights when he cut himself off from everyone in his life, there was always one he would turn too. There was one person whom he entrusted his life to that they were sure would know what had happened to him.

She didn't.

She had seemingly sent a thousand text messages to his phone over the last three days. She had lost count of the times she had called. His voicemail was full of her concern, understanding and even a few threats. She had received nothing in return. The last time she saw him he had dropped off animal companion at her apartment. She had been looking after his faithful dog for an extended period of time now as he had insisted he had to get his carpeting in the entryway replaced. He had explained to her he didn't want the goof thinking it was a chew toy while he worked.

That was last Friday.

Upon coming to the conclusion their friend was missing after hearing that not even she had heard anything, Aaron Hotchner called in an investigative CSI team to search his home. When the doors had been opened and the perimeter secured from a possible foul-play situation, the house had been searched thoroughly. The techs had found some cold take out still neatly in a bag on the kitchen counter. They'd found the den's flat screen glowing and playing the sports network. Even a half drank bottle of beer was left on the coffee table. It was as if he was there, simply having a shower upstairs or even working in the backyard on one of his many sheds. He was nowhere to be found.

They had begun working the situation immediately. Even Strauss recognized the strangeness of the situation and had pushed all of their cases aside until they could find even a small lead as to where Morgan might have gone or even better if they heard from him. Rossi had been selected to make the call to Fran Morgan, with bated breaths they had all hoped…prayed she had heard from her son. The alarmed questions and quiet sobs of realization over the speakerphone tore them apart. Their eyes saddened, their hearts broke and they were silent as Rossi had told his mother he would immediately inform her of any developments. As soon as the receiver was put down Garcia's body began to quake in fear as she was unable to contain her emotions as she was pulled into a tight embrace by JJ. He was officially missing.

Weeks went by. They worked to the absolute strain of their abilities in an effort to find even a whisper of a lead on the agent's whereabouts. They called old friends from Chicago, people he had gone to college and played football with, they had even called every old girlfriend they could find in his address books. Not one person knew or had spoken to him since he had vanished. It was frustrating for the members of the BAU. Due to the long days and longer nights their eyes became bloodshot, their posture wavered, but they dismissed it by reasoning that _he would do the same for any of them_. After three full weeks of not a single lead there was a breakthrough called in by an officer a few cities over. His car was located and identified parked in a parkade outside of a strip mall. Upon clearing the scene Reid had torn open the door of the SUV. Looking around the vehicle he noticed it was similar to the state his home had been left. A cup of coffee was still in a holder on the dash, a few miscellaneous wrappers adorned the seats and everything looked relatively undisturbed with no sign of a struggle.

His phone had been found under the front seat. It was off, which had prevented them from tracking it. It had been given to Garcia. When she turned it on notifications for her phone calls, text messages and voicemails flooded the screen. Her hands trembled…He hadn't even seen any of them. That was the last physical lead they ever received.

The next one had come a few days later.

She was sitting in her office, dark rings under her eyes. She shook as she typed, taking a few large sips of her coffee. She hadn't slept in two days but she was not about to when he was still gone…away from her. Swallowing deeply she clicked the few program windows down and opened her email, deciding to see if any of the other team had sent her anything to be searched on the new case they were currently assigned to. Strauss told them this morning she was unable to allow them to devote all of their time to Morgan's case. Despite her desperate cries of plea with the older woman, the team had had no choice and was currently working hard on a new string of murders in Iowa. Her tired eyes scrolled through the few bold new messages until her eyes stopped on one.

Her coffee cup slipped from her fingers and clattered the floor.

'**_Morgan says Hi :)_**_'_

She felt her hands trembling as she clicked the email and it opened into a new window displaying a darkened, shaking video feed. Her heart thudded and she brought her quaking hands to her mouth in shock. Huddled against the wall she recognized him, his broad shoulders were slouched and there were scratches and bruises all over his exposed body. His wrists and ankles were bound with fraying rope and there was a cloth tied over his eyes. Fear encircled her heart as she took in the sight of her broken hero. She felt her stomach heave. Previously unable to find her voice she could only scream out the names of her team, praying they would hear her cries.

The entire BAU team raced into her office when they heard her screams. As all of their eyes transfixed on the monitor they watched as a dark figure walked in front of the camera. The only thing they could see on the person was their piercing green eyes. The figure brought their hand up, displaying a kind wave as the person casually walked behind the slouched agent. Their eyes widened as they watched the shadowed person grasp Morgan's forehead as they brought his hanging head up. Garcia's head began shaking slowly…no…no! The figure pulled out a gleaming blade from their pocket and gingerly placed it under Morgan's stubble-covered chin. With one forceful movement the figure moved the blade so fast the mortified viewers of the feed didn't even blink. The mysterious person carefully angled its body back in front of the camera, blocking their view completely as if they were trying to shield what they had done. The hooded being waved at them again before the feed ceased into a torrent of white noise.

That was the last time they had seen Derek Morgan. They had not been contacted again.

Over the next passing months the video had been dissected by the best analysts completely trying to determine what had transpired on the other end. The many techs could only shake their heads solemnly. They could not determine what had happened to him. One said he was likely beaten into submission, another said the figure more likely slit his jugular. The only thing they could determine for sure was that he had been murdered in front of his entire BAU family.

When Penelope had been informed of the results, she angrily dismissed the other techs findings - she refused to believe it. Whether it was denial, or the extreme shock of being the one to receive the email, no one could say for sure. She didn't believe it because she could feel it deep in her heart…he was alive. She rationalized with herself that if he was gone, she would be able to sense it. At that moment she was only sure of one thing:

She would never stop looking for him.

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**A/N: **_Don't kill me. I promise there's an entire story to this. This is only prologue after all! ;) I would thoroughly appreciate a review! tell me what you think! what you think will happen, who you think's behind this? so many questions!_


	2. Kevin

**A/N: **_Oh my gosh guys you are amazing! I never expected such a response to this fic so I thank you all so much for your reviews, alerts and favorites! I'm gonna respond to the last few reviews I just couldn't resist uploading the next chapter for you all as a thank you! enjoy! _

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"You're not supposed to look back; you're supposed to keep going."  
― Alice Sebold, _The Lovely Bones_

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**One Year Later**

Chapter 1: Kevin

Kevin had been the first to break away.

Kevin stepped out of the shower onto the fluffy pink bath mat hastily feeling around the vanity counter for his glasses. When he found them he fumbled them on his face only to find that the lenses had fogged over with the humidity in the room. He sighed and wrapped the towel tighter around his waist. He headed for the door and left, flicking off the light on his way out.

He adjusted the towel as he made his way over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Pulling a glass from the cupboard above his head he proceeded to fill it with water before taking a long drink.

When he placed the glass on the countertop he felt a strong tingling fill his nose before he sneezed loudly. He regained his stance before another couple sneezes rang through the quiet apartment. Cursing loudly he grasped for a Kleenex, a series of mumbles escaping quietly from his lips. When he brought the tissue down to throw it away under the sink he sighed when he saw the German shepherd happily wagging his tail in an excited motion. Rolling his eyes he proceeded to walk towards Penelope's bedroom, choosing to ignore the mangy mutt. The dog whined and Kevin noticed he had his bowl in his teeth, edging it closer to Kevin's feet with his nose.

"Shoo!" he exclaimed quietly. "Didn't Penelope feed you today already?" he sneered and the animal cocked its head before Kevin rolled his eyes again, proceeding to continue to the bedroom. He sneezed again, his face grimacing before he took another deep breath in an attempt to calm his frustration. He wiped his nose and sneered internally: when was she going to find a home for that damn dog! Ever since Derek Morgan's disappearance the animal had been there, as she had insisted she couldn't bear to see the 'puppy' given to the pound. It made Kevin angry: she knew about his allergies!

Clooney tried to follow him but Kevin shooed him again, causing the dog to whine and run back into the living room. He looked over at his girlfriend.

"Hey Penny, when are you going to find a home for…Clooney?" he struggled for a moment to remember the dog's name. He sniffled again, grabbing another Kleenex from the dresser.

Penelope was currently lying under her royal purple comforter; a large binder was propped comfortably in her lap as she laid back against one of her many fluffy pillows. She brought the comforter higher up her body and looked down at the ratty binder. It was filled to the bursting with pictures and miscellaneous items carefully glued on the pages with care. This book had always been special to her over the years, but these days it seemed more like it was her sanity's lifeline. She took it _everywhere _with her. Her baby blue painted nail traced over the picture she was currently looking at and she smiled lightly, a single tear sliding down her pale cheek.

On the open page of the binder there were several pictures of him and her neatly glued to the pages. There was one of their road trip to the coast last summer, one of him kissing her cheek under some mistletoe at the Christmas party, one of them on a Ferris wheel, the pictures and smiling memories seemed to be unending. She brought a tissue under her glimmering eye and took a deep breath as she continued to flip through the pages of the extremely thick scrapbook. Continuing to smile at the pictures her attentions were completely focused on her lap.

She was so immersed in the photographs in the book she hadn't noticed the beads leading into her bedroom clack together as they were pushed aside. The man casually sauntered over to the other side of the queen bed and pulled back the comforter's top and slid underneath before aligning his body so it would be easier for him to lean his head on his arm. Adjusting his thick rimmed glasses he brought them off of his nose and folded them, setting them on one of the nightstands next to her bed. He rolled back over and looked at the woman huddled under the covers, his dark eyebrow quirking up in question.

"Penny…what are you doing?" he asked quietly and she didn't answer him, clearly too enamoured with the album in her hands to have heard him. He cleared his throat again and placed a hand on her covered thigh. "Penny." He said a little more forcefully and this caused her to shake her head slightly, bringing her forth from her daze.

"Oh. Hey Kev. Did you have a good…shower?" she asked and he shrugged slightly, leaning on his hand again.

"Sorta I guess." He stated before looking at her slightly smirking "I was…hoping you'd join me." He suggested and she shook her head slightly before looking back down at her lap.

"I had one earlier. My hair's just finishing drying now. See?" she pointed to her head and he raised a brow before looking to the side.

"…yea. That wasn't what I was-" he stopped when he noticed she was completely no longer listening to him. His eyes rolled in annoyance and he sighed again before getting a different idea. He hopped onto his knees and began crawling toward her, his right palm resting on the other side of her body he suggestively smirked and waggled his brow.

"Penny…you know I've been thinking…" He started and she only half gazed at him, her attention still mostly on the pictures.

"Hm?" she acknowledged and he smirked again, beginning to press his lips to her jaw in frequent kisses.

"It's…been a long time since we…did the horizontal tango." He smirked and rose a brow at her "…if you…catch my drift." He smirked and continued pressing his lips on her jaw, beginning to work his way down her neck. Penelope's eyes drifted from the page she was looking at and turned to look at him. She lightly brought her hand to his chest and pushed him gently back from her.

"Kevin…do you mind? I'm sort of…doing something right now." She fidgeted and went back to looking at the precious memories. This rejecting motion caused Kevin's eyes to narrow and he sat up straight on the mattress before looking down at the photo album as well.

"_Doing something_?" he spat in a slight accusatory tone and rolled his eyes "You look at that _thing _nearly every night don't you think you could I don't know…take a night off? Spend some time with me for a change? Devote some time to _us_?" he snarled and she looked at him, her eyes filled with surprise and slight hurt at his tone.

"Kevin what are you talking about? I-" she started to speak but he was already up and out of her bed, pacing the room like impatient animal waiting to be fed.

"I'm talking about _us _Penny." He began "I've tried to be patient with you but…sometimes I have needs." He whined and continued pacing the carpet. She instinctively brought the book closer to her chest and she shook her head slightly.

"Kev…sorry…what are you saying?" she said gently "I'm sort of…confused." She said quietly before she watched as her boyfriend continued his ranting.

He sighed; obviously frustrated with her obliviousness and his bare shoulders slumped as he rolled his eyes. "Penny. I'm talking about…_that_." He motioned to the scrapbook held gingerly in her embrace. "The…remembering you do." He stated carefully before crossing his arms over his chest in defence.

A look of hurt crossed her softened features as she blinked slightly "What…what are you talking about?" she asked and a slight frown crossed her lips evidencing her confusion at his ranting.

"Penny…" he said softly before sighing deeply and brought his fingers to his temples, beginning to massage them with his palms as he paced along the floor. Kevin had always had an annoying habit of pacing the room when he was thinking and she could tell that he was currently doing a lot of it. Gulping she felt her heart constrict in anticipation…what was he getting at?

Kevin walked through the beads into the living room of her apartment and returned with several picture frames nestled in his arms. He dumped them carelessly onto the comforter in front of her, the glass making some nasty clinks as they clacked against each other. Penelope's lips turned down into a frightfully confused frown and she blinked before looking up at Kevin's serious gaze. "What are you doing with those…?" she asked and Kevin sighed before grunting angrily in response, picking one of the larger frames off of the plush bed.

"I'm talking about _these!_" he barked and motioned to the framed photograph in his clenching fingers.

That one was one of her favorites. It was a sunny picture Reid…no, JJ had taken of her and Morgan last July while at the annual company picnic. Morgan had been laughing so hard when the picture had been taken; his strong arms were wrapped tightly around Penelope's form to prevent him from falling over from the hysterics he was in. This hilarious display had caused her to laugh as well and JJ had snapped a candid picture of the moment with her camera. The picture had instantly become one of Penelope's most precious ones she had of them and had been promptly framed in one of her best frames: one her own parents had given her a few birthdays before they had been taken from her. Kevin waved it slightly and she narrowed her eyes protectively.

"Kevin! Put that down before you break it!" she cried and quickly tore the blanket from her legs before bounding over, snatching the frame from his grasp. He glared at her angrily and continued his heated ranting.

"See! That's what I'm talking about! It's all becoming way too much!" he said haughtily and turned away from her arms crossed in annoyance.

"What on earth are you talking about, Kevin?! _What_ is becoming too much?!" she placed the picture carefully down on her chest of drawers before Kevin spun around wildly, pointing to the photo album on the bed as well as the rest of the frames.

"I'm talking about THOSE!" he hissed before he brought his palms to his forehead. "It's all becoming way too much Penny. I can't…" he panted before shaking his head slowly. "I can't…do this anymore." He stated point blankly before she narrowed her eyes again. She could feel her heart slowly crushing under the heat of his words and she blinked back a few tears threatening to escape her trembling eyes.

"You can't do _what_ anymore, Kevin?" Penelope spat and he shook his head slowly, looking her dead in her wavering gaze.

"I've tried to be there for you. I've listened to you, held you every night for _months_ when you cried your eyes out over this, took care of you, I just-I can't _do this anymore_." He sputtered, a bit of his own heated anger was fading and there were waves of pain beginning to crack into his voice. "I just…I can't do it anymore." He said finally and shook his head. "You…refuse to get help for this. I just-"

Holding up a shaking hand in her anger Penelope took a step forward. "You…You are _not _going here tonight Kevin. I am not in the mood to go into this with you." She choked and a few tears began to cascade down her cheeks.

Kevin narrowed his eyes again and felt something inside him snap.

He let out a dry chuckle before motioning to the many pictures still in a heap on her bed. "Oh I am going into this Penelope because enough is _enough!" _he screamed. "Someone needs to go here with you and I never thought it would be me but I guess it's gonna have to be!" he spat and continued his heated rage "I know this has been incredibly…impossibly hard for you to accept, but you have to come to the reality of it somehow Penny. I know it's been an extremely hard year for you and the rest of your _precious team_ but you are going to have to come to the conclusion sometime!" he took a few deep breaths, his shoulders and jaw tightening as he spoke.

Penelope's amber eyes were sparkling beneath her glasses and her entire body was quaking in a mixture of fear, anger, and extreme sadness. Her lower lip trembled as she saw him step forward, grab the frame off the dresser and throw it angrily down onto the floor in front of her feet. She heard a small clink as she could only look back up at her angered boyfriend in shock.

"I want you to listen to me clearly as I will only say this once." He said lowly before staring at her coldly. "Derek Morgan is _dead_. He was _murdered _by an un-identified 'unsub' a year ago. _Murdered_." He repeated and her watering eyes widened as her lips parted slightly, tears streaming down her face as he spoke. Whether or not Kevin noticed-or cared-about her mortified reaction he only continued.

"He's _gone_." He finished frigidly and narrowed his eyes to only harden his point.

When he realized the damage he had done to the shaking woman before him his gaze softened…Shit…he really should learn to watch his temper. Sighing deeply he took a step towards her, hand outstretched. "Penny…I'm sorry…I didn't…I shouldn't."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her fists clenched into her palms so hard the tips of her fingers turned white. Her body shook violently and she slowly raised her arm pointing through the beaded door.

"Get out." She said simply and kept her eyes closed.

His mouth wavered and he shook his head "Penny-I'm so-"

"_Out._" She hissed dangerously.

Soon the only sound that could be heard in the dimmed apartment were her quiet sobs as she leaned down and gingerly picked up the fallen frame from the carpet. With baited breath she turned it over to reveal their still smiling faces. She felt a pang in her heart as she noticed the fracture in the glass right through his smiling face. Gasping quietly she brought the frame to her chest, miserably walking back to her bed she quietly got back under the comforter. She pulled it over her knees and settled down in the bed. Looking up at the ceiling silently she held the precious memory close to her as she counted the stubbles.

It wasn't before long that she heard a faint whimpering from the entranceway to her bedroom. It was a pained, frightened sound that broke the silence that was shrouding the apartment. She sat up in bed and looked towards the opening in the wall. Two sad brown eyes stared into hers and the animal's tail was pressed firmly between his legs as his entire body shook underneath him. Her eyes softened and her lips turned downwards…he must have heard the heated exchange. She outstretched her arms and motioned with her fingers towards her.

"Clooney…its okay now…I'm sorry you heard that honey. Come here sweetie…" She said softly and the frightened dog looked around for a second before quickly bounding across the room and onto her bed. The animal dove into her outstretched arms and began nuzzling her chin. She kissed the dog's head gingerly and lay back down keeping her arms firmly around the warm puppy. She brought her fingers over the dog's ears and there was a small whimper from the still-trembling Shepherd. She buried her face in the dog's fur as she sniffled. The animal continued whining and she stroked him gently.

"I know sweetie…I know." She choked and looked up as she gazed at the cracked picture in her hand again. "I miss him too." She cried silently.

"I miss you so much Derek."

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**A/N:** _Kevin gets the ole' heave ho fairly quickly in this one. Keep in mind it has been a year since the prologue's events, so there's obviously been a lot of build-up between them even before this story begins. We'll hear more about it later! _

_as always let me know what you thought!_


	3. Baby Girl

**A/N: **_oh my word you people are amazing. The response to this story is just so awesome! I can't describe how happy your reviews make me. Thank you all so much. Oh and check it out my story has a cover now...as lack-lustre as it may be. It serves the purpose though! _

_That being said: Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: I always forget this thing. I do not own Criminal Minds. If that much isn't obvious. **

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"If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it."  
― Lemony Snicket, _The Bad Beginning_

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Chapter 2: Baby Girl

Jennifer Jereau strode through the bullpen towards the break room, her large coffee mug in hand. She entered the kitchenette and proceeded to pour some of the steaming coffee into the cup. She then poured some cream into the mug before reaching for a stir stick, beginning to swirl the contents of the drink together. She was just about to return to her office when she heard whispers from the other side of the room. Raising a brow in suspicion she casually leaned against the counter, slowly sipping her coffee as she listened.

She recognized the two as techs from the tech pool a few floors down and it wasn't until she heard the name of her best friend's boyfriend that she listened more intently to the conversation.

"Lynch sure was angry this morning wasn't he?" one of the young men stated, taking a bite of the strawberry donut he was holding.

The other man sighed before reaching greedily for the treat the other tech was holding. "Hey! How come you always get the last one?" he snapped before the other shrugged. He grabbed for a plain one out of the box before continuing the conversation "Yea, he was. What was his deal anyways?"

"You didn't see? There was this big box of stuff on his desk this morning. It looked like clothes and stuff of his. There was also a note taped on the top apparently. I think it was from that Garcia chick he was dating."

"Who?"

"Oh come on you know that frumpy woman from the BAU upstairs? She used to be blonde, wears glasses all the time? Kinda chunky?" he inferred and the other young tech nodded before taking a bit out of his own donut.

"Right Right. I remember seeing her." He laughed "Kinda sucks to get dumped by the fat nerd girl doesn't it-" he started to laugh before he realized there was an angry FBI agent staring him down. His friend had backed up considerably from them, watching the scene before him in fear.

Jennifer's kind eyes burned with anger as she stared at the man that was considerably shorter than her "I will have you know that _beautiful woman _is my best friend." She hissed and cleared a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear as she stepped closer to the cowering man "and if I _ever_ hear you talk about her like that again I will have to do something unpleasant. Do I make myself clear, kid?" she sneered and he gulped visually, nodding his head quickly.

"Y-Yes Ms. Jereau…ma'am. I'm sorry." He squeaked before they both quickly ran out of the break room.

When she was sure they were gone her eyes softened again before she quickly made her way out of the room and across the bullpen towards her friend's office. When she passed by the deserted office just before Penelope Garcia's she stopped her brisk movement for a second to stare, her eyes wandering longingly to the nameplate in the middle of the closed door. It read _D. Morgan_, the bold white letters almost glared at her as she stared into the drawn shades. Feeling something in her drop she quickly looked away before continuing to Penelope's office.

Her delicate knuckles rapped on the closed door and she forced a smile "Garcie, you in there? Can I come in for a minute?" she called out before she listened for a reply.

"Sure. Come on in JJ."

JJ turned the door handle before pushing it open slowly, slipping into the analyst's lair gingerly before shutting the heavy door behind her with a soft click.

The woman sat at one of her desks typing vigorously on the keyboard before her, her fingers flying across the keys as she stared intently at the glowing screens. JJ's gaze softened as she took in the sight of her best friend. Her short, un-treated brown hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, a few strands falling around her face as she worked. She wore dark jeans and a plain white blouse, with only a few colourful bangles on her right wrist.

It pained JJ immensely to have witnessed the gradual transformation of Penelope Garcia over the past year. As a woman whom once cared so much for her vibrant blonde or even red locks over the years, her hair had been left to fade back to her natural colour of a rich auburn. Gone were her eccentric and colourful outfits, as they were replaced gradually with more subdued tones and plain slacks. One of the highlights of their times together as friends had once been going shopping for new, exciting frames for her glasses, but even that had stopped in the last six months. She now only wore a few pairs of black frames, completing the more subdued look that she had adopted. Forcing a smile she walked over to the brunette sitting in her computer chair, pulling another smaller chair up next to her.

"Garcia. Can you explain to me why I heard Lynch found a large box of his stuff on his desk this morning? And why he's bickering to the entire building about it?" she smiled weakly before placing a hand gently on the woman's shoulder.

Penelope continued to type quickly as a slight smile spread across her lightly glossed lips. "The entire building? Really? That _is _fairly strange. I wonder what was in the box." She dismissed the question nonchalantly and JJ sighed before raising a brow.

"Pen, come on. I know something's up between you two…what happened?" she whispered and concernedly placed her fingers over her friend's left hand. This motion caused her to pause her typing and she sighed slightly before her gaze hardened, not averting her eyes from her monitor.

"We're through. Therefore, I needed to give his stuff back." She hissed bitterly before JJ's eyes widened slightly. Truth be told, she never cared for the skeevy little technical analyst and felt her friend deserved so much better, (it was about time in her opinion) but it still shocked her slightly to hear.

"I'm so sorry sweetie…what happened?"

Garcia's fingers continued to rush across the keys before she laughed bitterly. "Where do I _start_?" she sneered.

"That bad?" JJ frowned before she saw her friend's bottom lip quiver slightly, her eyes slowly beginning to mist. Moving her chair closer JJ's arms encircled her tightly. "Tell me what happened Penelope."

Penelope's defences came crashing down as she felt warm tears begin to slide down her pale cheeks. She sniffled slightly before leaning her head on the blonde's chest, the tears beginning to come steadily. "He broke my favourite picture JJ." Her voice choked and Jennifer felt her eyes narrow.

"He what?" she whispered before rubbing the woman's shoulder affectionately.

"You know the one you took of me and Derek?" she pulled back and her bottom lip quivered. "He threw it down last night and and it- it cracked the glass and the frame JJ!" She sobbed into her chest. A feeling of anger washed over her and she gasped.

"The frame your parents gave you?!" she gasped and Penelope nodded before continuing her story.

"He _yelled _at me JJ. He told me that he was sick of it, sick of me _remembering _and that he was done. He said that he was done 'taking care of me'." She choked out before she straightened up in her chair, regaining a hardened expression. "So I relieved him of _the terrible burden _that I've become." She snapped and continued typing, a finger brushing under her eye to dry the tears.

"Garcia don't you talk like that you hear me? You're not a burden. Never." She smiled, placing her hand back on her friend's shoulder. "You're an incredibly strong woman and you've come…so very far. I'm proud of you, Penelope."

_I'm proud of you, Penelope_.

The deep voice ricocheted into her ears with an overwhelming force. For a split second she was back in Alaska. She could see his warm brown eyes staring into hers, feel his gentle touch as he gathered her into his arms and gently dried her tears with his thumb. She saw him smile before she was promptly dragged back to the present when his face swirled back into the face of her friend.

"Penelope, are you okay?" JJ's concerned gaze caused her to shake her head slightly before nodding slightly.

Smiling weakly she cleared a strand of brown hair from her eyes "I'm fine, peaches. Don't you worry about me alright? I'll be okay." She smirked, trying to mask the tears that desperately wanted to fall from her eyes. "I just need some _lifetime_ and the comforting love of two men known as Ben and Jerry." She saw JJ straighten up slightly before smiling in return.

"Alright, If you're sure. I better get back to my office though; I've got some paperwork I need to finish before Hotch has my ass. I was supposed to submit it yesterday." She laughed slightly before a grin emerged on the other woman's lips.

"I'm sure you both would_ love _that." She grinned crookedly before JJ rolled her eyes, proceeding to lightly smack her friend playfully.

"You are horrible!" JJ laughed before Garcia grinned, turning back to her screen.

"That's just the way you like me, my love." she quipped before spinning in her chair to begin resuming her work. JJ smiled to herself as she watched the brunette work, there were occasional glimpses the team would get to see of the Penelope that they had known…but they were few and far between the studious nature their technical analyst had affirmed.

"By the way…Garcie. Will backs up all the pictures we have. We can go get some more copies printed after work." Before she could say anything else she grunted as she felt tight embrace of her friend wrap around her neck.

"Thank you." She whispered quietly into her ear and JJ smiled to herself, returning the embrace her eyes slid shut.

"You're welcome Pen."

Their hug was interrupted when there was a loud knock on the door. The door opened and Aaron Hotchner stepped into the room slightly. "JJ, Garcia, I'll need you both in the war room as soon as possible." He said sternly before JJ let go of Garcia, turning to their boss she blinked in confusion.

Stepping towards him slightly she frowned "Is something wrong, Hotch? Have we caught a case?"

"Nothing like that, no. Strauss has just requested I come get you two. She needs the whole team to meet together…she has an announcement she needs us all to be present for." He explained before his eyes flickered to Penelope's still swollen looking eyes. It didn't take a profiler to tell she had just been crying. "So please come as soon as you can." He sighed before closing the door behind him.

Making his way back to the round table he felt his jaw clench tightly as he contemplated the news he had received that morning from Erin. It seemed almost surreal to him as he never thought he would ever have to see this day, but it had come sooner than he felt his team was prepared for.

After their boss left JJ turned to Penelope, shrugging her shoulders before walking towards the closed door. "I suppose we better go. We can talk more about this later."

Penelope blinked slightly before she grabbed a tissue from her box of Kleenex, promptly following the blonde out and down the hallway.

When the two entered the briefing room they realized that Rossi, Prentiss, Reid and Erin Strauss were already there sitting around the round table. JJ made her way over and sat down next to Prentiss before giving her a questioning look. Emily simply shrugged before Strauss rose from her chair, quickly shutting the door behind them. The section chief's lips pressed together as she walked over to the large window, staring out onto the street below longingly.

She took a deep breath, the tension in her features evident "One year ago this team suffered an immense tragedy in the loss of one of our own. Derek Morgan was a kind, caring, dedicated man and I'm sure everyone in this room can speak with me on this. He aided me personally in one of my darkest times and helped pull me through and seek assistance, which in the end saved my job. We have all grieved and dealt with this in our own ways, it has been a grueling year for this team." Erin spoke solemnly as the rest of the team's eyes drifted down to their laps as they contemplated in silence about what she had said.

It had been a year since the agent's mysterious disappearance and later murder, without so much as a shred of evidence to where or what had happened to his remains. The case had gone cold soon after they received the final glimpse of Morgan, as none of the members of the team had been contacted again. There had been no demands, taunts or leads that had come forth after the video had gone dark. Soon after due to the final analysis of the video the Morgan case had been sealed as a homicide, giving his family and friends closure in the form of a service. It had been a fairly large funeral, members of law enforcement showed up from all corners of the country to honor him. His mother and sisters had been there, as well as the current (and even some past) members of the BAU close behind them.

They had not buried a coffin just in case his body was ever found.

All eyes in the room were fixed on the floor as they silently recalled the events of the painful year. The team had managed to hold it together, relying on the support and love of one another to make it through the dismal catastrophe. Rossi noticeably swallowed while Reid uncomfortably shifted in his seat, tapping his foot on the carpet. His eyes sparkled slightly as he tried not to give anyone else in the room eye contact.

Strauss's voice tore through the thick silence "That being said, I would like you all to meet someone." She stated before motioning to Aaron to open the door.

The entire table stared as a man entered the room quickly passing by Hotch before the door was shut behind him. JJ stared at him intently as she began to take in his appearance. He had close-shaven black hair, a bright smile and his shoulders were broad to match his tall stature. A pair of square framed glasses sat on his prominent nose and he smiled pleasantly at the other agents before he reached out a hand to shake Jennifer's.

"Hello. I'm…thrilled to meet you all. I wish this were under happier circumstances but I'm really excited about working with you." The man smiled broadly and Strauss came up behind him, placing a hand supportively on his shoulder.

"This is agent Bates. I have spent a considerable amount of time searching for someone that I believe is as creditable as Agent Morgan was, and I am pleased to announce he will be joining your team Aaron. Effective immediately." Strauss finished before turning to leave the room "I will leave you all to get acquainted with each other."

Bates sat down at the table before pulling in his chair, smiling widely at the curious glances on the other agent's faces. He smiled before adjusting his glasses, reaching out over the table to shake the rest of their hands. "I'm Shawn. I've been with Counter-Intelligence for about five years or so but when I read about the opening in the BAU and Strauss called me to have an interview with her I just knew it was for me you know? I can't wait to get started with all of you. I just know we're going to fit together really well." he said excitedly before smiling expectantly at the others. David and Emily both forced a smile, nodding in obligatory agreement in an attempt to keep the awkward feelings in the room at bay. Reid smiled pleasantly before spouting off some random factoid he'd been saving for a time like this one, while JJ grinned at the young man weakly as Reid's random story continued.

The awkward conversations between the agents went on until Shawn looked expectantly across the table at the brunette sitting on the other end that had not welcomed him yet…or even said a word for that matter. Penelope's brown eyes were narrowed behind her glasses and her arms were crossed over her chest in a defensive stance at the grinning man staring at her. All conversation in the room ceased into stark silence as soon as the new guy reached out his hand towards her.

"Hey! It's alright if you're a little quiet, but I assure you I don't bite that hard, baby." He laughed heartily. His features dropped when he saw the expression on the technical analyst's face. JJ bit her lip before cringing inwardly. This was _not_ going to go well.

Penelope's eyes were narrowed dangerously as she abruptly rose in her chair, her fingers digging into the table below her palms. "My name is not _baby_, it's _Garcia _to you - you little shit!" She fumed before her eyes shot daggers across the table at the now shocked man. "And what makes you think you have the right to call me _baby_, huh? No one told you you could do that, did they? No. I didn't think so. So why don't you just sit down and shut your mouth before I shut it _for you!_" she hissed lowly before Hotch jumped to his feet, slapping his right palm on the surface of the table, startling the entire group.

"Garcia! That's enough!" he bellowed before her furious gaze shifted to her boss.

"How could you do this Hotch! How could you-how could you let her just replace him like that! Morgan is irreplaceable! Oh, and I bet _the new guy_ is going to get his office too, isn't he?" she choked, on the verge of tears as she motioned to Shawn sitting on the other side of the table, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"Garcia, you are out of line. Take a walk. _Now_." Hotch spoke sharply, pointing to the door.

The loud slam of the door started an uncomfortably tense silence in the room. No one spoke for several moments, avoiding eye contact as the sadness hit them all with equal force. JJ sighed deeply before she slowly rose to her feet, taking a step towards the door. "I'm going to-" she started before her boss's eyes narrowed in her direction.

"JJ. Sit. _Now_." He barked before she bit her lip nervously, quickly sitting back down in her seat.

Aaron's head began to pound as he brought his fingers to his temples, beginning to massage them as he sighed distressingly. It had been the second time this month that she had blown up on one of them, and he was sure it wouldn't be the last. He was extremely worried about how she was still dealing with Morgan's death, and every time something like this happened it only confirmed his suspicions more that she was unravelling. All of the others seemed to be finally accepting the tragedy and moving past, but he knew Garcia and he knew she was only falling further out of reach.

It was Reid who cleared his throat loudly, breaking the others out of their reveries. He gradually turned towards the other young man sitting near him. He cleared his bangs out of his eyes before swallowing nervously, afraid he would be reprimanded as well.

"…Garcia…she and Morgan were…they were…close." He started and Shawn's eyes stared intently as he listened to the young genius.

"He…he would call her '_baby_ girl'."

* * *

**A/N:** _and here is where I introduce the gradual changes I believe Garcia would go through in a situation such as this one. I hope I do this justice and that it doesn't end up being too ooc. But in the loss of someone close to you, some people go through intense psychological changes and I wanted to explore that. Anywho, let me know what you guys thought!_

_another side note I thought I'd add in Mr. Bates up there will have a place in this story. Not a huge one by any means but he will definitely have a purpose. _

_I haven't had a chance to start the next chapter so the next update won't be as quick but I'm going to get my ass moving to get it you guys asap!_


	4. Back To Me

**A/N:** _sorry this chapter too me way longer than expected! this chapter was honestly very hard to write. I had an entirely different plan for this chapter, but I've pushed it to next chapter as I really wanted to lay the foundations of the last significant thing that has changed in Garcia's life. I wasn't originally going to follow through when I got this idea, but one of the huge traits I believe Penelope has is that she's extremely helpful, and is willing to do a lot if it means she's doing so. I think she likes to feel needed. Especially if it's by one of the team. _

_And of course we know that once she gets it in her mind she's going to do something, she's not going to stop until she does! And I thoroughly apologize if there's an error or two in this chapter. I did the final proof of it today and I think I've got a bit of a cold. Without further ado though!_

_One more note: Dreams will now be written with no separation between them and usual text while flashbacks will be separated with -_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or the lyrics to "Back to me" used in this chapter. **

Chapter 3: Back to me

* * *

"I remember long ago, the fire burned right in your eyes  
you used to light up this whole world, with the magic of your smile."  
-Brian Melo _"Back to me"_

* * *

_The large cemetery was crowded that day; the never ending sea of cars lined the streets around, some honking at others while they tried to find a spot. The sky was darkened with a heavy overcast, shielding any possible light that could have shone on the city below. People cried, muttered condolences to one another and paid their respects to the large headstone under the towering willow in the corner of the field. _

_She stood by her solemn looking boss and her best female friend, whose arms were wrapped tightly around her shoulders as she cried desperately into her chest. JJ and Emily didn't even make an effort to be studious as the service went on, their forms visibly shaking as the priest spoke. Penelope's eyes were fixed on the headstone, not a single tear falling from her sore eyes. _

_Her tears came after. _

_Reid had seen her collapse to her knees in front of the grave, her body quaking as the sobs broke through the quiet that had fallen over the cemetery. He had taken a step to go comfort the blonde but was quickly stopped by Rossi who only shook his head. Reid swallowed; they both knew she needed to be alone. _

_She choked as she traced the lettering with her fingers. She whispered inaudible apologies and promises to the stone before shakily starting to rise to her feet. _

_A shadowed hand grabbed her wrist and she screamed before it violently pulled her back down to the dampened grass. _

_"Find me."_

Penelope's eyes snapped open and shot around her darkened bedroom. She closed them again before groaning. Her pulse hammered in her ears as she breathed deeply, trying to calm her shaking hands. A long beep erupted a second later from her alarm clock as she glanced towards it. Sighing she turned it off. She didn't even know why she still set the damn thing.

The dreams, be either nightmares or pleasant always woke her before it went off. She looked around the dark room before getting up, walking over to her dresser. Pulling out a pair of loose sweatpants and a worn looking tank top she set them down on the bed behind her before slipping out of her pajamas. She pulled on some black panties before reaching for the matching black bra that was haphazardly slung over the chair next to her dresser. She clipped it behind her back before she finished getting dressed into the loose sweats and worn top.

She ran a brush through her shortened hair before pulling it back into a loose hair tie. Her eyes glanced over at the clock.

Five AM.

She had never been a morning person before, she was the girl that preferred to sleep in on the weekends and cuddle under the blankets with some good movies until the week began again. In the last year that had all changed. She heard a series of scratches and whines coming from the other room before she smiled to herself slightly, grabbing the overgrown dog's leash from the kitchen counter as she passed.

Clooney jumped up slightly in anticipation as she struggled to clip the leash to the collar of the squirming dog. "Hey buddy calm down for a second!" she laughed slightly before the animal stopped jumping. She finally clipped the two rings together and shook her head slightly when she realized she forgot her keys back in her bedroom. "One minute, boy. I'll be right back." She ruffled the dog's ears and walked back through the beaded curtain. She walked over to her nightstand and grabbed her keys before her eyes lingered on the holstered gun sitting next to an empty glass. She blinked slowly before she grabbed it, slipping it into the waist band of her sweats.

Clooney lead her out onto the darkened street happily beginning to sniff at everything that they passed by. Garcia shoved her free hand in her pocket and proceeded to follow the excited dog down the block. There were much fewer people on the streets at this hour, and she would not deny that she found the calmer atmosphere comforting. It wasn't until Clooney caught sight of something and started pulling at the leash that she sighed slightly before beginning to up her stride to match his pace.

After he disappeared no one had been sure what to do with Clooney. None of the team really wanted such a large breed in their home. Rossi worried about the messes that would result from his excessive energy, JJ was still afraid of dogs especially around Henry, Emily had Sergio, they had all had circumstances in which prevented them from taking him. Even his family didn't want to take him, too overwhelmed with the entire situation. That had left her. Kevin had suggested the pound, insisting that she didn't need the extra trouble and made sure to remind her of his allergies. Scoffing at the memory she then smiled as she remembered the first night she had brought him back to her apartment. Kevin had been shocked, complained and tried to reason with her, but it was a done deal.

Her worn sneakers made almost no noise as she jogged behind the excited dog. The early morning jogs he needed had been a hard adjustment to make, but in the end it helped her keep a few extra pounds off and made her feel great.

The improved stamina also helped her in the field.

She let her hand fall to her waist, adjusting the holster as she ran to prevent it from digging into her hip. Allowing her mind to wander as she jogged, she reflected on how much everything had changed for her ever since he had disappeared. Here she was _running _at five fifteen in the morning, she had on grubby sweats and fraying sneakers, her hair was a mess and on top of it all: she was carrying a _gun_. A year ago guns scared her; a year ago she didn't believe in guns, that all problems could be potentially solved by talking it out and showing compassion. While she knew her team of heroes would sometimes have to protect the innocent, she firmly tried to believe shooting first was not always necessary.

That was another thing that had changed. About five months after he vanished, she had begun training for the fire arms qualification exam.

_Loud shots rang through the shooting range as Penelope fired two more bullets at the target hung at the other end of the room. She winced slightly as she didn't see a single hole in the target paper. She grunted, extremely frustrated before setting the gun back down on the surface in front of her. She pulled the padded ear muffs off of her head before turning around, looking at her boss's intense gaze staring at her. _

_"I know I know! That sucked. Don't rub it in." she mumbled before Aaron shook his head slightly. _

_"Garcia, I wasn't going to say anything like that." He raised a brow before she turned back to the target, placing the ear protection back over her ears. Even through the padding the shots were loud and merciless, they made her cringe each time. The flashbacks of her own encounter on the wrong end of a bullet had stopped after the first couple weeks, and she was able to focus much more clearly on her target. Picking up the gun from the table with steady hands she raised the firearm in front of her before firing off a few more rounds at the black silhouette. _

_They all missed. _

_She sighed dejectedly before she tore off the earmuffs again, throwing them down onto the table in front of her. Clenching her fists tightly she felt a few tears begin to sting at the corner of her eyes, threatening to fall with her ever increasing frustration. Why couldn't she get this right?! She felt a firm hand fall onto her shoulder, gently squeezing it supportively. _

_Hotch's stern expression softened as he took a step closer to the frustrated technical analyst. He had nearly choked on the bagel he had been eating when she had shown up in his office earlier that month exclaiming proudly that she wanted to start the training and that she wanted his help. It had confused and baffled him, but Garcia had expressed such enthusiasm he had agreed to help her. Now every spare second they both had were spent in the shooting range in a fevered attempt to help her improve before her exam that was in the next couple weeks. _

_"I just don't get it Hotch! Why can't I do this?" she frowned and her eyes were still watering slightly behind her glasses. "I'm never going to get this." She sighed, feeling defeated and embarrassed at her repeated failures. _

_"Penelope…" Aaron started "You don't have to do this, you know." He stated and she shook her head back and forth quickly. _

_"No Hotch, I do." She picked up the gun, running her hand along the shaft slightly as she stared at it intently "You guys need my help out there, and I'd look pretty stupid playing back up without a gun, wouldn't I?" she smirked weakly. Hotchner's brows furrowed, he was extremely hesitant about letting the kind woman before him come into the field with the rest of the team, but there wasn't much that he could do. She was taking all the self defense classes, completing all of the training programs and was taking the necessary exam so that she could get the firearm she needed. Six months ago he would have never guessed she would take on this kind of quest, but the determined look in her eyes convinced him he would help her with whatever was needed to make it possible. _

_"Garcia-" he started again before she held up her hand, cutting him off. _

_"It's a done deal, Hotch. I've come too far to back down now, right?" she smiled slightly and a grin of his own tugged at the corners of his lips. Nodding slightly his smile took control. _

_"You're right. But you're not doing too badly, alright?" he stated before he took a step closer to her. Bringing his arms under hers and around her waist he positioned himself up against her back. He grabbed a hold of the gun; raising his arms with hers he guided her finger back onto the trigger. Resting his head on her shoulder Penelope flushed slightly before looking up at him. "I said I'm going to help you Penelope. You'll get this." He smiled encouragingly before she beamed, turning her attentions back to the target at the end of the range. _

_"Aright. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Reid all those years ago. What you want to do is focus on the front sight: on the target, Garcia. Next-" he stated, bringing her fingers more firmly on the trigger. "Control the trigger press. You don't want to squeeze too tightly or too gently. And three, follow through. Look right back at the target." He guided her hands as he spoke. He pressed down on the trigger with his fingers on top of hers and the shot exploded out of the gun, going right through the left side of the figure's head. Penelope hesitantly smiled before she felt him back up once again. "Now give it a try." He nodded, his stern expression returning to his features. _

_She turned back to the target, completely forgetting about the ear protection on the table in front of her. Taking a deep breath she raised the gun straight and quieted her shaking hands. Her brown eyes focused intently on her objective and took another small breath before she squeezed the trigger. A shot fired from the gun and careened straight into the middle of the paper-man's neck. A smile broke out on her face before she turned around, pride sparkling in her eyes. He nodded approvingly before he placed his hand on her shoulder again. _

_He was unsure if he should bring it to the surface, but he knew he needed to. "Well done, Penelope. Morgan would be…so proud of you." He finished hesitantly before he stared into her eyes expectantly. _

_She reached out and hugged the unsuspecting man tightly. "Thank you."_

She had passed the exam. She'd received her licence and gun a few weeks later. About a month after that she'd officially began travelling more with the rest of the BAU, helping them out in the field whenever they needed the extra man power. Hotch had forbidden her from ever interrogating an unsub in a standoff, saying that he didn't believe she was strong enough and that he wasn't going to risk giving her the clearance to do so.

It had hurt her at first; but she knew that she was much stronger than she used to be: she didn't get nervous around the blood, she was able to look at the crime scene photos without getting sick, and she had even been in a morgue a couple times observing the coroner talk with the team about a victim's injuries. But after a while she satisfied herself with the realization she was able to help, and was doing just that.

The first time she had realized how much this new position was changing her it terrified and shook her to her core. But she could not deny it didn't make her extremely proud of herself, she was actively helping the team whenever they needed backup, and was still doing everything she used to do from her laptops, sometimes at the same time while sitting in the SUVs. Morgan's absence left a huge hole in her heroes, and she had done her very best to fill it.

She owed it to him.

Her thoughts came to a screeching halt when she realized she was finally back at her apartment building. She gathered up Clooney's leash in her hands and panted heavily as she slowed to a stop in front of the front stoop. She ran up the remainder of the steps before she opened her door, quickly locking it behind her when it was shut. She walked over to her phone sitting on the kitchen counter before she picked it up, realizing she had a couple of new voice mails. Looking at her watch she realized it was a quarter past six already. Opening her mailbox she raised the phone to her ear to listen.

"_First Message. Hey Penny it's Kev_-"

She rolled her eyes and promptly erased it.

"_Second Message. Garcia, It's Hotch. I am aware it's early but I need to speak with you as soon as you get into the office._"

_'Crap _'she thought as she sighed, placing the phone back down on the counter. This was probably going to be bad.

Her lips pressed together as she patted Clooney's head, reaching for the dog food bag under the sink. She didn't regret a word of what she said.

Despite it being only about six twenty in the morning JJ was already hard at work in her office on the paperwork she had that was piling up. She was truly not a morning person and would much have rather kept sleeping, but Will had pulled the blankets off her and kicked her out of bed (Figuratively of course). She scribbled at the end of another page before slowly turning to the next in the manila folder, taking a large sip of coffee from her mug. She wouldn't deny that the sometimes long nights and early mornings this endless amount of paper work took tired her, she wouldn't want to be doing anything else.

A quiet but forceful knock at the door broke her thoughts and she looked up to the source of the sound. Hotchner stood there staring at her intently before she smiled slightly. "May I come in?" he asked politely and she nodded before he sat in a chair before her desk.

"JJ." He began and she sighed, slightly slamming her pen down on the desk on top of the unfinished paper work. Running a hand through her bangs she looked up, a twinge of stress evident in her baby blues. "I need to speak with you about yesterday." He said simply, not beating around the bush any longer.

"You have some concerns." She said suddenly and the man sitting in front of her raised a brow quizzically, startled by her accuracy.

Sighing deeply he let the concern he was feeling deep down wash over his face "I do. JJ…how is she doing?" he trailed off, unable to hide his concern for the troubled woman any longer. While he always had a liking for the bubbly technical analyst, he'd always seemed to care about and protect her as one of his team from afar. Ever since Morgan's disappearance he felt his friendship with her change, they became closer friends, so much closer that a few times she'd even shown up at his house in the middle of the night sobbing. Since that hadn't happened in quite a long time now he was hoping she was on the road up.

Aaron was trying hard not to show the depth of his concern, but with it written clearly all over his face it was a losing battle.

JJ blinked slowly before she smiled weakly. She knew he was not here to fish for information on Garcia like Strauss occasionally would who was constantly keeping a sharp eye on them, just waiting for the first evidence of misconduct, she was not one of the ones that had agreed on her joining them in the field. She nodded slightly before taking a breath "Hotch…she's doing better. I think. She's even talked about going back to her support group. What happened yesterday…I think it was just a fluke. She kicked Kevin out the other day, I think she was just feeling a little on edge and what Bates said pushed her over." JJ concluded and Aaron's brow furrowed.

He chuckled slightly "So that's what I heard him grumbling to Strauss about the other day. About time if you asked me."

JJ laughed and a smirk took over her lips "My thoughts exactly."

A little later in the morning a knock on the door of his office temporarily jilted Aaron's attentions from his paperwork. He looked up to see Garcia stepping into his office, her right hand still on the door as if she were going to knock again. Between her tired eyes and her un-styled hair simply pulled back into a small bun, he knew something was on her mind.

"You wanted to see me?" she asked and he nodded, motioning to a chair in front of his desk.

"Yes. Please have a seat, Penelope." The corners of his mouth turned up in a slight smile. She sat down and crossed her legs together. He opened his mouth to speak but was quickly cut off by the woman sitting in front of his desk.

"Before you start, Hotch. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for blowing up on you yesterday. I realize I was lashing out at the wrong person and for that I wanted to apologize. But I felt I should probably say that I won't be apologizing to the new guy. He-He might not have known-" she took a deep breath "-but that _doesn't_ excuse it." She affirmed before going to rise from the chair she was sitting in. Before he could say another word she was already opening the door to leave.

"Penelope. Wait." Hotch called out before standing, proceeding to walk towards her. "I appreciate the sentiments behind your apology, but that is not the reason I called you in this morning. I just wanted to let you know that if there's anything you need-" he stated, placing a supportive hand on her shoulder. "You know that my door is always open, right?"

Penelope's brown eyes stared at him for a moment intently, silently mulling over his declaration of support. His expression solidified, inwardly hoping that he had struck a chord with her which would allow him in.

"I'll be running those searches you requested if you need anything, Hotch." Was all she said before she closed the door behind her, leaving the disheartened unit chief to sadly shake his head as he sat back down in his chair. Pressing his palms to his temples he sighed solemnly before returning to the pile of paperwork sitting on the corner of the desk. The feeling of realization began to slowly creep into his conscious.

The once chipper, radiant woman who had helped pull him through his own tragedy and whom his own son adored so much was falling deeper into herself and he had run out of ways to reach her.

* * *

"Now I'm reaching out to you, but you look pass me every time  
I don't want to see you in pain, I don't want to do this again."

* * *

**A/N:**_ Even though this chapter doesn't have a lot of action__I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and that you'll let me know your thoughts. I was going to say beforehand but I thought it would ruin the feel of the chapter. I really love Hotch and Garcia's relationship on the show (while rare, it's such an adorable dynamic) and I really wanted to explore how I believe it would develop if their were ever such a loss._

_till next time! _


End file.
